mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
