How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
