he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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