In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
