He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
