I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
