remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
