Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
