I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
