You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just googled if crying burns calories
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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