TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
we're so committed to being not committed
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
