He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
did i just pee glitter
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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