I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
