Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
