Need sex. Gaining weight.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
