Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
