I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
