She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
