Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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