I just saw a hot homeless man
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
