Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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