dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
