Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
