She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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