I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
