I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
