I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
