This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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