this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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