haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
