I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
