fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
