i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
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all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
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I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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