Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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