I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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