Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
