I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
