so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
