every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"