Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.