conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dating After Heartbreak
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina