It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.