Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.