dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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