you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
