The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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