He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
