Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
