I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
