she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
