I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
