Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
