She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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