if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
