come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
