my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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