So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
