i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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