So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
