If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
