I wannas sexs uuuuu
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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